Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Fitting in...in my own mind.

I think that, perhaps, my entries will come a little closer together for a while. I expect to be spending a lot of time alone in the next few months, though that is by no means assured. After all, the Universe is running this show, I'm just the actor and audience.
 
Wow! Having insurance is interesting. They paid for my meds, but they won't pay for chiropractic care...which is very unfortunate as I really need some! The accident hurt me more than I thought, especially noticeable since I haven't been getting treated for the injuries. The insurance will reimburse me for the treatments, but need the money to pay for the treatments in the first place. It is times like this that I either wish I had money, or had a wealthy benefactor who was willing to front me the money and then wait to get it back from the insurance company. Since I have neither, I just deal with it as best I can. I can tell you this, I am seriously becoming acquainted with chronic pain!
 
I had an MRI the other day and now know that I have a herniated disk that is putting pressure on a nerve in my lower back that is hindering my dancing, and is making walking any distance a challenge. I have a referral to go see a neurosurgeon, but they are booked many months out. I'll be going tomorrow for a stress test and the day after for a consultation on the hernia that I need worked on. I also have an appointment next week to see an eye doctor; this came as a surprise as I didn't know I was going to be seeing one until I got a letter in the mail telling me to call such-and-such to schedule. This is exciting because it has been a couple years since I had my last checkup. Bifocals this time!!! It is hard to draw on balloons when one needs two different sets of eyes to see the child and the balloon.
 
On a deeper note, I was observing to a friend today that, when I was a young man, I couldn't imagine enjoying spending time alone like I do now. I have this little 19 foot wrecked RV that I stay in when I come to Bellingham and I find that I just want to spend all my time in it. I get out of it rarely right now, though that might have something to do with the health issues going on for me. No, I feel no form of depression...in fact, I am quite happy and jolly. I've just found that I truly enjoy the privacy...though privacy in and of itself isn't something I'm known for. I tend to tell folks exactly what is going on for me, if I think such knowledge may be of benefit.
 
When I was young, I used to always want music playing, always wanted to be around people. I couldn't imagine living anywhere but in big cities like LA, San Fran, or at least medium-sized ones like Cincinnati. Now, I find it difficult even to visit Seattle. I recently rode my bike on a tour around Arizona and did my best not to even have to drive through Phoenix...though I did have to do so. Now, Bellingham is almost too big, population about 100, 000. I noticed, if I was truly being honest with myself, I never really felt like I fitted in anywhere back then. Now, being comfortable in my own skin, I find I don't need the excited distractions of people to be comfortable and content anymore. Now I do fit in, in the only place that matters: my own mind.
 
May you also be at peace.