Humble...

Weds: Another day. It is what it is. This one resulted in previously unknown knowledge that I still owe too much in back child support ($3600) to obtain a passport. If I had the passport, then I would be able to get a job on a cruise ship which would pay off the child support in a very short time. Ah, well, it is what it is. Funny how life works out.

Sat: This weekend seems like it may be a bust for making money. The weather forecast calls for rain and storms. Not only can I not twist in the rain (the balloons can't adhere to themselves when wet, nor can I draw on them, and who would I twist for?) but getting to where I might be able to twist becomes problematic because of the need to get there via motorcycle. Oh, well..."the Universe loves to give me money." This has been my new mantra for the past few weeks. So far, it hasn't been sending me gobs of money, but it takes a while (sometimes) for the Universe to get the message...actually, for my own id to get it; the Universe is always ready to give. Looks like I may just be heading out with very few bucks in my pocket...as if that is a new thing. :-) (Just checked the radar; rain will be arriving in about an hour. There is very little food in the house so I think I may have to run out for some. Maybe I'll spend the day making some more YouTube videos...)

My friend, Fred Smith, welded the portions of the crash bars of my bike for me Thursday. He gifted the work to me. Fred is an incredibly nice man. He came to me years ago to learn to dance. He got to be a very good dancer, though at first, he didn't believe he'd be able to. I'll tell you what, I hope I have the energy he has at 75 when I'm 50; the man is amazing to watch! It is almost impossible to believe he is 75. I also had another young man, a tenet here in this condo complex, offer to take the crash bars into where he works and fix them. The Universe blesses me!

It seems that I'll be leaving town, Monday, in rain. I intend to go visit my brother before I head out of the state and then make something of a straight ride all the way through to the Bellingham area. Perhaps I will be able to make it out there in time for my friend's (Laurie) Birthday/Solstice/Summer party, if it happens. In any case, I'll get to visit my daughter and my friends for a little while. How long I stay may depend on whether there are places to twist. The last time I was there, coming up with funds was a little difficult due to competing balloon twisters. If things work out, I'm hoping to spend the month of August in the Monastery again. This time, perhaps I will be in a position to absorb more of the "being there" instead of trying to figure out what my outside (the monastery) life was going to be like. While I'll still have some of that going on, I likely won't be going through a grieving process like I did the last time.

I don't expect it is going to be easy to leave Sharon. Out of respect for her, I'm not going to write much about our time together, I don't think, but to say that she is a very sweet and loving individual expression of the Universe. 

What does the word, "Humble", actually mean? A quick Google search gave me this:

Adjective Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance.

Verb Lower (someone) in dignity or importance: "I knew he had humbled himself to ask for my help".

Synonyms adjective.   modest - lowly - meek - submissive - unassuming - low verb.   humiliate - abase - mortify - lower - degrade - demean

I think I have a different definition: Raising everyone in one's estimation to the level of God -- including oneself. Seeing no one as being better or worse, higher or lower in importance than oneself. Recognizing and fully acknowledging that each person we meet is living their own lives with their own experiences, all of which are important to them as ours are to us. It doesn't make sense to me to lower myself to the lowest common denominator rather than raise everyone to the highest. 

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Does this mean to brag? Of course not! But it does mean to recognize that we are all equal, there is no "Higher or lower" in status. We all have the minutes of our lives to sell. What we choose to sell them for doesn't say a word about who we are, it only says something  about what others are thinking. But when we come right down to it, no one's minutes are any more or less valuable than anyone else's. To me, being humble in the traditional definition is the opposite form of being a showoff and is equally a show of pride. Both are extremes and neither are honest. What I do well, I do well because I enjoy doing it and have put forth the effort to be able to do it well. What you do well, you do well for the same reasons. To belittle what we do well is to hide the God-essence within us for the sake of the ego of another bit of God-essence. We all have our aptitudes. Playing small doesn't allow others to shine, it only dims the world. Being real in all areas of one's life allows other to be real, too. I could go on, but this is enough for now, I think. Besides, I'm getting hungry. :-)

The completely incomplete post. Posted in it's entirety.

I am trying something different with this post. I often will create the title before I write the post, but often I don't have clue what I am going to write, so it occurred to me to write first and then let the post tell me the title.

Still in Ohio. Each time I attempt to continue on with my journey, something occurs to keep me here. I must admit that my time with Sharon is extremely pleasant, so I am lax about throwing myself back into the fray. It occurred to me that this time is rest. It is a vacation. Many who do not walk this particular Path that I find myself on cannot understand what I would need rest from; after all, it may seem from an external viewpoint that I am perpetually on vacation. This is not true for me. I work extremely hard on spiritual understandings. To see through the illusions that there is a world of separate anything is so easy that the mind makes it very difficult to do. It is often exhausting, at this point in my growth, to maintain. So, I find myself relaxing and allowing the flow of emotional love for an individual to travel through my system. (Yes, I know that there is a great deal of argument that could be brought to bare on my writing here, but like I said, I am on vacation for a bit.)

I must apologize if my writing seems more philosophical than usual. I just read several entries of a friend of mine, a highly intelligent Theravada Buddhist (Monk. <-- click here to read his blog)This has sparked my own philosophical bent. Add to that my reading 'Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintaince' along with 'The Course in Miracles' and we come up with the perfect storm for a weird post.

I guess I'll get the mundane out of the way and see if I have any energy left to write the post suggested by my previous paragraph. As mentioned, I'm still here with Sharon. We get along very well, though I admit that a great deal of that is her willingness to put up with me than with I, her. She is easy to put up with. I, on the other hand, can be something of a challenge, I admit. In any case, I have been learning to read tarot cards and have even made a bit of money from doing so. I look at them as just another tool to help others see outside their self-made boxes. Time will tell if I am any good at it or if I will grow confidence in their ability to tell the future. Personally, I hold the hypothesis that what the questioner believes will tend to change their behavior in such a way as to bring about the prediction, should a prediction arise from a reading. I am using a deck called the "Cat People" deck, which while not being especially rich in symbolism, does have lots of cats and since I have always had an affinity for cats, the deck "speaks" to me. At my first metaphysical fair, I actually made more than she did, though I fully put it down to beginner's luck. The study is interesting, in any case and I do get to suggest different ways of thinking to people that they may find useful.

My bike is running well, I think. I haven't started it since Thursday, so I'm not entirely sure. A friend of mine has generously offered to weld the parts of the bike that need it. I hope to get it to him sometime today. I heard that my bike insurance had been canceled, but upon investigation, I found that this wasn't so. However, in that investigation I found that to move my insurance to Arizona would cost me WAY more than just transferring my registration to Oregon. So, when I make it back to Oregon, I will transfer my title and registration.

Well, the title of this post just came to me because I am very tired. The heat today has drained me. How does anyone get anything done in weather like this?! So, though this started off with a promise of depth, it seems I must stop while on the level of the mundane. (As though there is a difference!)

Bedtime. Good night, all. Perhaps more soon. (No promises.) :-)

Finally...an update!

Hello everyone. I apologize for the silence. I'll lay it on the line for you. No secrets means an open life.

I owe $3,678.65 in back child support for my son, who is now in his mid-20's. He and his mother live in Ohio. His mother has proven herself to be...unpredictable...in her interactions with me. Although I am not wanted by the legal system in any state, I cannot pay the monthly court-ordered arrears as ordered (though I do pay what I can) and so she would've likely had been able to cause a bit of trouble had she known of my Ohio visit at the time. Now, her possible reactions are much less likely to cause issue.

 I left the reader with the knowledge that I was headed to Ohio and that I had hoped to reconnect with my tiny friend, Sharon. Well, we did reconnect. She is, once again, my very close friend. :-) I met her at a dance and the connection was as though the time in between was but a minute. I'll not get much into the details of our friendship but will say that we are both enjoying the reconnect.

As it may be known, I changed the back tire of my bike while in Virginia. It has been very pleasant to ride on a new tire. Well, after riding here, I discovered that I needed a new front tire, too. Seems something sharp had made a cut in the rubber so it was just a matter of time before it blew. My friend, Wendy Shupe, near San Francisco, donated $200 via PayPal toward the purchase of a new front tire (Thank you!) and when the money arrived in my account, it had shrunk to $193.90. The purchase of the tire and it's installation came to $193.47. The Universe does provide!!

Speaking of providing, I was in need of about $200 to help a friend with rent (after she was left in a bind)...today, a stranger gave me a tip for three balloons of $250. It is the largest single cash tip I have ever received for my balloons in 36 years of twisting. Her rent was made and my tank was filled. :-) What joy! It is not so uncommon that I get a $100 tip; that happens about 2-3 times a year. Twenties are much more common, but $250 from one person? That is rare indeed! Such kindness. I have been given more from friends who support my teachings and lifestyle, but from a stranger for a balloon? Awesome!

The other evening, Sharon and I rode the bike down to Fountain Square in downtown Cincinnati. after the evening was over (I was trying to make money while we danced to a live band on the square) we headed back to the bike where I found that there was a short in the electrical system. Sharon was cold and it was late and she was tired and I couldn't get the bike fixed. I forgot that it doesn't matter in the long run. I forgot that the Universe does what it does for Its own reasons and I got very angry at my thoughts regarding the circumstances. It was quite a sight to see, I'm sure. (Sharon is keeping mum.)  I had forgotten that I could cuss like that. In any case, at one point I while trying to fix the bike, I had my hand in a precarious position and when I got shocked, I yanked my hand back and got a cut on my wrist that likely could've benefited from a couple stitches. I'm not concerned about a scar on my hand so I just found a bandaid and continued to work. I discovered that the bike didn't short out at high RPMs so I decided to chance riding it back to Sharon's. After a long cold ride, we made it to her place. I have since bought some tools I needed to work on the bike and I THINK I have fixed the problem. Let's hope so as I don't want to do major damage to the electrical system.

My wrist in healing okay, though it looks like crap and makes wearing the bike gloves painful.

I will strive to add to the updates quickly, but it is late now and I am very tired. Good night, all.

Pictures of Maryland.

At a rest area.

My very dear friend, Sharon.

I have been incredibly lucky in my life to know some amazing people. I just visited one of them, a friend I've not seen in about 10 years, maybe more. It has been a joy to reconnect in person.

And this morning, I found a treasure in my email inbox. It was a blog update of someone who holds a very warm and loving space in my heart. She was my closest friend for a very long time, but felt she had to stop contact so she could move on, emotionally. The rest of that story is hers to tell. In any case, I enjoy keeping in touch with those I care about, but I do it in ways that are perhaps not common; I am satisfied, usually, with just knowing something about their lives and if they are okay, Sharon was the exception, we actually did talk on the phone. I can usually satisfy this basic desire to keep in touch by use of the Internet, including Facebook. Some people, though, tend to keep a low profile and it is very hard to get information.

I have looked for news of my little friend many times over the past few years but have only found very small bits here and there: mainly that she had moved from the West Coast back to the town she had come from. And that she was continuing to teach yoga and do angel card readings. Well, I had subscribed to a blog that she used to keep and have gone back to it from time to time to seek updates, in vain. Today, I found her name in my inbox and so was able to get a little update. She had asked me not to contact her, and I have honored that wish. I plan to continue to do so, but I'm hoping that she is reading this blog and has done what she's needed to do because I truly miss my little friend.

So, Sharon Denny, if you read this, know that I still think of you often and would love to reconnect with you. I have often prayed that you would find what you seek and that every good thing the Universe has would be yours. If you are ready to reconnect, or to see if the friendship is still viable, please let me know. I'll be in town for a short time and seeing you would be a great joy for me.

I hope she reads this. We used to be so connected, spiritually/emotionally that if I thought she needed to do something, she'd get the message. Hope that is still in place. But... it will happen if it is the will of the Universe.

On the road again.

Left my friend, Yvonne's home a while ago. It was pleasant to reconnect with her again. The visit was interesting in many ways, not the least of which was the fact that she has just been offered a job at Walter Reed Hospital and so the decision of whether to take the job was a primary focus. I have no idea what her decision will be, but I wish her well and I'm sure we will stay in touch. There is more I could write, but she's a private woman so I don't feel comfortable writing about my time with her without discussion first.

The road is treating me well, thus far. The bike is moving along beautifully and it gave me 41mpg on the last fill up. The temperature is nice for riding with my heavy coat and there is only a small chance of rain.

A friend asked for pictures of this area but there isn't much to distinguish what I've seen from any other wooded state. The things that stand out here is buildings, which I'm not interested in, and war history. Again, something I'm not interested in. So, if something stands out, I'll take a picture.

Okay, more later. I need to put more miles behind me today.

Virginia and DC

Hello all from the far East...US. It is beautiful here! Everything is in bloom, the trees have that new-Spring green and there are bushes literally covered with flowers. I'd tell you what they are, but I really don't care what they are.

The traffic here in Virginia is a trip! Speed limit says 55, but I think that that is the minimum speed. I might be doing 75 and have people passing me right and left and a line of cars on my tail...and that in on the side roads. When I get on the freeways, that's when things speed up! I have no idea what the buildings around me look like because I go by them so fast just trying to keep from being run over by the cars. The traffic in West Texas is slower and the speed limit there was 80 mph. And it may be illegal to text while driving, but every third car has a driver who is texting...especially when the traffic gets heaviest. Seems that the heavier the traffic, the more texting people need to get done. So let's just say that it is thrilling to drive in this area of the country.

The dancing is at a much higher level than I've grown used to. I can see where my own dancing suffers from disuse. I used to know a lot more than I remember. But before any of my past partners think too harshly of me or your own dancing, in my opinion, dancing at a high level is no more fun than dancing at an intermediate level. In fact, I think there is more time for spirit to spirit connection. It is fun, though, to brush up on my skills so that I can carry it on to those I teach.

I now have a new rear tire on my motorcycle. I had no idea how much tread the tire was supposed to have on it...but there is much more tread on this tire than what was on the old one. I needed one, even though there was still tread on the old one, because there was a nail embedded in it. For those who don't know this, motorcycle tires my bike uses are tubeless and with very stiff side walls so they don't tend to blow out. If they get a hole in them, they slowly deflate and the sidewalls are designed to hold the bike up. Now, it is still dangerous to get a flat on a bike, but abrupt flats are very rare. The front tire still has some tread left so I'm thinking that I'll wait a little longer before I replace it.

While I have been hanging around bike shops these last few days, I've had three different mechanics tell me that the knocking/ticking noise that I've been hearing from the engine area of the bike is just an exhaust leak. This confirms what three other people have told me in the past so I think I will stop being concerned about it. Sure, the bike is totally silent, but it is pretty darn quiet, and it runs strong. A beautiful machine! Again, Thank you so much for your gift, Guy Baker of Fontana, Ca. By the way, if you happen to be in the DC area and need motorcycle repair done, I think that I have found the best bike shop in the country: Brooks Motorcycle Repair in Chantilly, Va. Jason, the owner, is very friendly and professional. In fact, everyone there was friendly and professional. The one guy who changed my tire had to work about 75 minutes on my bike and they charged me $83 for the work. I don't know if that price was high or low, but the work, combined with watching such a well-run shop work, was worth the money. I don't feel slightest in the least. Quite the contrary, I am pleased to know that such service still exists!

I had to go to a town about 35 miles away to buy the tire. In the traffic around here, who needs to go to an amusement park?!  I saw the tire online for $150 or so, the Motorcycle Factory wanted to sell it to me for $202, (down from $262) and when I asked them if that was the best price they could give me, they dropped it to $187. I was going to have them replace my old tire, but I would've had to wait and they were super-busy. I'm happy I went to Brooks, though.

My visit with my friend is going well. I think my presence might have become a bit stale to her, but then, that might just be my imagination. She has great decorating taste, in my opinion. Lots of reddish hues...and her Christmas tree is still up! Cool! Her kitty, Samantha, is finally starting to warm up to me. She apparently doesn't remember that we were once good friends a long time ago. However, my playing with her via laser dot and string is starting to win her over, I think. She has given me air-rubs twice in two days and is started to look pleased to see me...just before I leave.

I found an unexpected dance student here. I first met her last Saturday at a dance. I had noticed her before and thought she was very pretty so I was very pleased when she jumped in front of me with her beautiful, full smile and asked me to dance. Though she is new to dancing, she is a lot of fun to dance with. Since Iw as interested in seeing her again, I offered her a free dance lesson, but it turned out that she wanted the lessons, but my flirting techniques need work--I'm out of practice. So, she decided that she would rather pay me for my lessons than be the recipient of my romantic interest. That's fine...I'm not here for long anyway, but it was fun having that connection. AND, it is the first time I have ever been seriously attracted to a woman taller than I am: she's 6'1". The logistics of interacting with a woman several inches taller than me is very interesting on many levels. I've dated a couple women the same height as me before, but this stretched my experience. What joy! :-) It would've been fun to explore more with her. But, it is what it is, isn't it?

The plan, at the moment, is to leave Monday for the West Coast with a short stop in Ohio. Truth is, I'm not real sure why I need to stop in Ohio. My family is not a tight-knit family at all. At present, I don't have anyone there to stay with, though to be fair, I haven't actually asked anyone but one niece. I haven't heard back from her yet. Truth is, without my friends Judy (deceased) or Sharon (has chosen to let go of our active friendship so that she could move on), there isn't much reason to stop in Ohio. My son has no interest in seeing me and my dance friends have not shown any real interest in me over the years, but then, I haven't shown much interest in them, either, so I guess we get what we sow.

It seems that I am only interested in people once they let me into their "weird little world" and am not much for the superficial. If we aren't going to go deep, I don't see much sense in the conversation in part because, where is the heart-to-heart connection? Another aspect reason I tend to seek the depth of a person...and am so quick to share my depth, is due to my wandering nature. (My middle initial, combined with my last name, spells Wanders.) I'm not assured of being here very long, nor can I even fool myself into thinking that I'm going to be here long, so why waste time on the superficial? I can see the other side of that, though. Why even go deep? I can answer that one, though: I would like some intimacy. There isn't much intimacy in exchanging, "Hello. Nice day for a ride, isn't it?" or it's like.

I may have put this elsewhere in my blog, but I haven't even kissed a woman since July of last year. Well, not in a romantic way. Friendly pecks don't count as far as this is concerned.

Well, time to get ready to go dance.