I spent most of the morning and afternoon just being aware of the sensations of beng alive. Finally, my conditioning regarding "making a diffrence in the world" combined with my self-proclaimed purpose of making people smile drew me out of the apartment. So, I pulled on my kilt and walked down the street to the local grocery store which also has a Starbucks and wi-fi. On the way, I stopped in a little store that drew my eye and had a pleasant coversation that touched on many subjects with a woman who quit her job as a mortician in order to go to college for training to teach 5th and 6th grades.
Resuming my stroll to the store, I had the joyful opportunity to make a kitty balloon for a 4 year-old little girl, followed soon after with the blessing of being able to make a teddybear ring for a beautiful, shining 94 year-old woman being pushed in a chair. Unbeknownest to me when I began twisting for her, it was her birthday. She said, "It's about time I'd stop having them, wouldn't you think?" I had the distinct impression at that moment that she would get her wish this year. She told me that she is ready to go home...and I don't think she meant that in an earthly way.
As I sit here at this table, I observe how people interact with each other, and with themselves. It's very interesting to see how parents program their children, often telling them things without any apparent thought about how the child might be interpreting what is being said. I see how the children observe closely how their parents interact with the world, not having a clue WHY Mom or Dad react in a certain way. The child, I know from much time spent observing the process, imitates and adopts the parent's reactions to the world without thought, only because that is the primary way children learn. When I twist, I often see behavior that was trained into the child without any intention of the parent to teach a behavior to the child. Then, because the parent wasn't conscious of the learning process that was cconstantly going on, no one has any idea how the child came to behave in such a way. Learning for adults often appears to be a conscious choice that we can turn on and off and we forget that small children haven't developed that skill: they are learning in leaps and bounds every moment they are awake.
Now, turning my attention to the adults, I watch for indications of behaviors that were imprinted rather than chosen. There is much evidence of these behavioral habits in almost every interaction. So few seem to act in a considered and conscious way, rather they overwhelmingly respond out of habit, as though they have experienced THIS particular situation before, which is utterly impossible since each event can happen only once even if a similar one happens later. My definition of "maturity" has to do with just how much one has learned to remain aware of their interaction with everyday recurring events.
It appears that I'm still not all that mature in certain matters, using my own definition. My eyes are drawn frequently to women of certain body types when, had I total control of my habits, that would not be the case. However, I am assured by my teachers and by my own experience that continued awareness the habit combined with attempts to replace the unwanted habit with a chosen habit will one day result in a reprogramming of my habitual responses. Observing this process of piecemeal maturation in myself, I am able to allow that others also experience this process and can give them the "benefit-of-the-doubt."
I guess that the "goal" of the maturing process is complete mastery of one's reponses to each and every event, resulting in a merging of flow into each moment with no emotional or habitual judgments. I note that each new moment in which I know and am aware that I am alive is another moment to either feed the old habits, or the new. It will take a future moment just before my death that will tell me how successful I was in the maturing process. Until then, I'll just continue to muddle through as best I can, one moment at a time.
